Papa's Got a Brand New Badge

Papa's Got a Brand New Badge is an episode from The Simpsons' 13th season.

Episode details

Production Number: DABF17
Original Air Date: May 22, 2002
Writer: Dana Gould
Director: Pete Michels
Couch Gag: The Blue Man Group performs in front of the couch
Guest Voice: Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony

Plot

Once again, Springfield is in the mist of a massive heat wave. Every apartment building had installed a massive air conditioning device. However, this draws a massive amount of power from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Despite the security guards Mr. Burns has taken (cutting power to the orphanage), the plant is at full capacity. At home, unable to buy a massive air conditioning device, the Simpsons have to follow an old-fashioned fan. Homer decides to give them a taste of winter by plugging in his dancing Santa Claus. This overloads the plant and causes a blackout. Eventually, a massive riot and looting occur. The police become powerless to stop the crime wave.

The next day, Springfield has been devastated by the crime. Quimby decides to take action by forming a blue ribbon committee. At the Simpsons' house, someone stole Lisa's Malibu Stacy collection. Homer decides to take action by finding them. He does and later foils a robbery at the Kwik-E-Mart. He likes the idea of combining his love of helping and hurting people. Homer forms his own security company called "SpringShield". Although it only has Homer, Lenny, and Carl, it is more efficent and successful than the Springfield Police Department. When Quimby sees Chief Wiggum trying to shoot a pinata with a shotgun, he dismisses Wiggum and makes Homer the chief of police.

After busting Fat Tony trying to make "toy poodles" by gluing cotton balls to ferrets, Homer practically rids Springfield of crime. However, Fat Tony escapes and vows to kill Homer unless he leaves town. Homer is unable to get protection from the citizens he protected (even though Ned volunteers) and Lenny and Carl lock themselves in a jail cell. When Homer does not leave, Fat Tony arrives with his mafia muscle. Just before they kill Homer, someone shoots the mobsters and injures them. Safe again, Homer makes Wiggum the chief of police again. When Marge thanks him for saving Homer, Wiggum says that he lost his gun, badge and nearly lost his squad car. Unbeknownst to them, the person who saved Homer was Maggie.

Quotes

• Homer: I don't get it. I first got a job were I wasn't lazy, stupid, or corrupt. And I'm gonna get killed for it!

• Bart: (testing a lie detector) Lisa is a dork. Lisa is a dork.
  Lisa: Dad, make him stop!
  Homer: (reading test results) Well, according to this, he's telling the truth.

• Fat Tony: Any last words, Simpson?
  Homer: Yeah! You can kill me, but someone will take my place! And if you kill him, someone will take his place. Then, that'll pretty much be it. The town will be yours.
  Fat Tony: All right. Let's do this thing.
  Louie: Dibs on the crotch!

• Wiggum: (to rioters) Return to your homes. We're prepared to use force! (hears something) Wait, we're not prepared? (rioters cover Wiggum's car) Help! Help! Someone call 9–1–1!
  Lou: Oh, they never come.

• Fat Tony: Johnny Tightlips, can you see the shooter?
  Johnny Tightlips: I see a lot of things.
  Fat Tony: You know, you could be a bit more helpful.

• Fat Tony: Is your husband home?
  Marge: Fat Tony, why do you have to do this?
  Fat Tony: Sorry, but this is the life we chose.
  Marge: But you're just promoting a negative Italian-American stereotype. You could be a pizza man, organ grinder, or...a...leaning tower maker...or...(trying to think)...a...did I say pizza man?
  Fat Tony: (crying) You are listing my broken dreams.