Herbert Kornfeld

Herbert Kornfeld (H-Dog) is a recurring fictional columnist for the parody newspaper The Onion. He is an accounts receivable clerk for the fictional Midstate Office Supply, "tha largest an' dopest retaila an' distributa' of office supplies in tha whole muthafuckin' state". While appearing a nerdy white bespectacled male, his columns are written with a heavy gangsta rap flair. Kornfeld is a workaholic, frequently spending his time off downtown doing "illegal" unsolicited bookkeeping. He keeps the Letter Opener of Death close by to fend off rival accounting gangs. His son Tanner, age 2, is the result of a relationship with Agnes in the Cash Room.

The style of Kornfeld's columns are best exemplified by their titles: "I Am A Bad Ass", "Human-Resources Bitches Be Makin' Me Take Vacation Days", "True A.R. Bruthas Don't Take No Layba Day Off", and "I Gots To Represent At Tha Muthafuckin' Company Picnic". His columns first appeared in The Onion around 1997.